


the quiet things that no one ever talks about

by revengeavenue



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-10 19:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7857763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revengeavenue/pseuds/revengeavenue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calum hates himself, but Michael sure as hell doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the quiet things that no one ever talks about

**Author's Note:**

> posted to my wattpad two years ago. it has since been heavily edited!

Calum slowly dragged himself up the stairs to his room after watching a movie with his three best friends. He thought using that as a distraction from breaking down and cutting his wrists would work. If anything, it only made him worse, and for reasons he didn't know.

During the film, he could barely hold back the tears that threatened to spill over and roll down his cheeks. He knew if he broke down, his bandmates would think he was a wimp. Calum was afraid that they wouldn't understand him, and the struggles he was facing. That, and he felt like he couldn't talk to anyone about anything, because right away, people judge and make assumptions.

Nobody ever listened to him or stayed in his life long enough to know him well or understand him. He learned to blame himself for it. He had tried shutting almost everyone out and trying to deal with things on his own. It wasn't working, and Calum felt awful.

This resulted in him taking a blade from a razor he broke, and dragging it across his wrists. It was a terribly self destructive behavior, but he didn't know how to stop. He also didn't know why or how he started self harming, he just knew he had to do it because he deserved punishment for mostly everything.

Calum jumped into his bed and hid under the warm comforter. Almost immediately, he broke into what he was hoping were silent sobs. He traced the week old scars on his wrist that were hidden by his Mayday Parade and All Time Low wristbands. He told himself earlier that he'd stop cutting for good, although that wasn't looking too good at that moment. His only motivation to stop was being comfortable not wearing wristbands or long sleeves all the time, but lately, that just wasn't enough. Nothing was enough. He wasn't enough.

Not wanting the other boys to hear him, Calum got out of bed and subtly walked to the bathroom. He ended up running into Luke halfway there.

"Sorry Cal...wait, have you been crying?" Luke asked as Calum's breath hitched. Thank god it was dark in the hallway.

"What, no, I'm fine!" Calum answered back and flashed a fake smile, hoping that Luke wouldn't notice.

Luke seemed like he bought it, "alright, I'll be in Ashton's room if you need me." With that, he left.

Calum sighed, relieved that Luke didn't notice how broken he really was. It was getting harder to hide it.

He raced to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. Checking to make sure it was actually locked five times, he slid down the back of the door, and onto the floor. He hugged his knees and let the tears fall.

A few minutes later, after he cried himself out, he stood up. That was a decision he instantly regretted. His head pounded hard as he reached for the blade he taped under the medicine cabinet. As he held the cold metal in his palm, he thought of every mistake he ever made. Every single one haunted him; it was impossible to forget them. His head swirled with images of lost friends and chances he should've taken, but never did.

He convinced himself that Luke, Ashton, and Michael didn't need him. They could find a better bassist, someone funnier and more talented. He no sooner grasped the metal object and held it to his left wrist when there was a knock on the bathroom door. His heart sunk through the floor.

"Calum, you've been in there for a while. Are you okay, babe?" It was Michael, and Calum would be lying if he said his tear-stained cheeks didn't turn a light shade of pink because of what Michael had called him.

"I-I'm alright, kinda." Calum hated himself for saying that last word as soon as it left his mouth. He wanted Michael to think he was fine.

Michael could sense that there was something wrong. "Open the door Cal, or I'm opening it myself!" Michael realized he was being a little mean to Calum, but he needed to help him before it was too late. He started to notice that his best friend wasn't himself anymore, and he couldn't just ignore the fact that he saw faint scars on the boy's wrist that night.

"I can't," and with that, Calum let out a sob. He tried to gather the courage to open the door for Michael, but he just couldn't.

"Well, I'm coming in." Michael reached for the key at the top of the door frame and unlocked the bathroom door. He felt his heart crawl up his throat at the sight of Calum sitting on the floor with red eyes and a blade in his shaking hand.

"Calum, baby...I'm so fucking sorry. I wish I would've noticed sooner. I would've helped you, you know," Michael said in a soft voice, as he took the blade out of Calum's hand and threw it in the trash. He sat down on the floor with Calum, took his hand, and laced their fingers together.

Calum looked down at their hands and blushed at the gesture. He really liked Michael and he needed him to know that.

"Michael, I'm sorry too. I've been keeping to myself because I didn't think anyone would help. That was...stupid of me." Calum smiled knowing that he didn't have to be alone anymore. It felt like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders.

"No need to apologize. Everything will be okay now, I promise I won't leave you. I'm gonna help you quit cutting, because you don't deserve this at all." Michael released Calum's hand and moved closer to the boy, wrapping his arms around him.

Calum swallowed, "Michael, can I tell you something?" Calum asked him nervously.

"Sure babe, what is it?"

"You're gonna think I'm fucking crazy for this...but I really like you, and um...I think I might love you?" Calum bit his lip as he watched Michael's smile grow wider.

"I think I love you too." Michael's heart started racing as he leaned in to peck Calum's lips. Calum could've sworn he was hallucinating.

Michael stood up and picked Calum up off the cold bathroom floor. He carried him to his room, kissing his forehead a few times along the way. He laid the tired boy on his bed and snuggled close to him.

"I won't let you destroy yourself, Cal. Goodnight, I love you," Michael whispered just before they both fell asleep.


End file.
